The Muppets Go Under Cover transcript
Prologue: The city town of San Francisco/the opening musical intro Kermit: "Okay, everybody, now that everything's going fine around here, I suggest we do another opening musical intro." [God Bless The USA In Background] Miss Piggy: "I'm super proud of the day I became an official USA citizen." Scooter: "That's wonderful, Piggy, I remember when I became an official USA citizen myself." Bean: "I really love this place." Kermit: If tomorrow all the things were gone I'd work for all my life and I had to start again with just my children and my wife Gonzo: I thank my lucky stars to be living here today 'cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can't take that away Fozzie: and I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free Rizzo: and I won't fo'get de men who died who gave dat right to me Rowlf: and I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today 'cause there ain't no doubt I love this land God bless the USA Continues In Background Robin: "Where all people of all nations can follow their dreams and life and come true." Beauregard: "An American melting pot: Scooter? Tim?" Scooter: from the lakes of Minnesota to the hills of Tennessee across the plains of Texas from sea to shining sea Swedish Chef: Frum Detrueet doon tu Hoostun frum Noo Yurk tu L.A. vell zeere's preede in ifery Emereecun hert '' ''und eet's teeme tu stund und sey Walter: and I'm proud to be an American '' ''where at least I know I'm free and I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me Mildred Huxtetter: and I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today 'cause there ain't no doubt '' ''I love this land God bless the USA Bethany: "1 more time, guys." Toby: and I'm proud to be an American Bethany: where at least I know I'm free Gonzo: and I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me Chip: and I gladly stand up next to you '' ''and defend her still today Link Hogthrob: 'cause there ain't no doubt '' ''I love this land Johnny: God bless the USA Kermit: "Okay, everybody, let's go sight seeing and take a nice afternoon walk at John Denver Memorial Nature Park." Fozzie: "Wow, a nature park named after and in memoriam for the late former Muppet Show guest star." The Muppet friends along with Robin, Andy, Randy, Horace, Boris, Jasper, Sophie, Toby and Bethany, walk around the city town of San Francisco on their way to John Denver Memorial Nature Park. Disney productions presents Kermit: "Hi there, Gary, hi there, Mary." Gary: "Hi there, Kermit," Mary: "it's good to see you guys again." The Muppets Go Under Cover Walter: "Hey, Mr. Richman, how's your juice bar business going?" Tex: "It's going super good, thanks to you guys giving me my good heart and personality." Directed by James Bobin written by Nicholas Stollar Music composed by Christophe Beck Scene 1: John Denver Memorial Nature Park Carl Gunderson: "Now over here, is the John Denver Memorial Sanctuary, and over there, is the nature center, and over there, is the John Denver memorial statue." Rowlf: "Wow, that's a lot of John Denver's memories." Scooter: "It sure is." Ice cream vendor (off screen): "Ice cream treats, get them while their cold and good." Kermit: "Right before we head on down to the Muppet Theater, Fozzie, how 'bout you get some ice cream snacks for me and everybody." Fozzie: "Yes, Kermit, I'll get them right away." Fozzie walks right over to the ice cream vendor who's right by the wishing fountain. Fozzie: "Hi there, I'd like to buy some ice cream snacks for me and my good friends and godkids, please." Ice Cream Vendor: "Now what would you like? French vanilla? double chocolate supreme? strawberry banana? blue raspberry?" Fozzie: "A clover honey flavored 1 for me, 3 dragonfly ripples for Kermit, Robin and Toby, 2 double chocolate supremes for Scooter and Walter and 3 blue raspberries for Gonzo, Skeeter and Rowlf." Ice Cream Vendor: (handing Fozzie the 8 ice cream snacks in an ice cream holder) "Here you go, try not to get them all mixed up." Fozzie walks around with the holder of 8 ice cream snacks and goes right back to where Kermit, Fozzie and the other Muppet friends are waiting. Kermit: "Oh good, Fozzie, you got the ice cream snacks." Fozzie: "3 Dragonfly ripples for Kermit, Robin and Toby," Kermit: "Thanks a bunch, Fozzie," Robin: "you're the coolest," Toby: "Rock on, Fozzie, rock on." Fozzie: "2 double chocolate superemes for Scooter and Walter," Scooter: "Thanks a bunch," Walter: "we appreciate it." Fozzie: "3 blue raspberries for Gonzo, Scooter and Rowlf," Gonzo: "Thanks a bunch," Scooter: "these look super yummy good," Rowlf: "they sure cool us off." Fozzie: "and last but not least, 1 clover honey for me." The Muppet friends begin enjoying their ice cream snacks for a couple of hours. Kermit: "Okay, everybody, let's head on down to the Muppet Theater." The Muppet friends get right on the Electric Mayhem bus and drive around all the way to the Muppet Theater. Outside the Muppet Theater Ticket Seller: "Hello and welcome to the Muppet Theater, how can I help you guys out here?" Marvin: "My wife, son, daughter, sister, brother in law and I would like 3 senior tickets and 2 junior tickets to watch The Super Muppet Telethon, please." Ticket Seller: "Okay, here you go, enjoy the show, please." Marvin, Shelly, Nancy, Felix and Katrina enter the Muppet Theater on their way to the auditorium to take their seats with the other human and Muppet audience members. Kermit, Walter and the Muppet friends see some celebrity people who are about to be 1 of the guest stars on The Super Muppet Telethon. Kermit: "Oh wow, (Guest Star's Name)," Gonzo: "(Guest Star's Name)," Fozzie: "(Guest Star's Name)," Miss Piggy: "(Guest Star's Name)," Scooter: "(Guest Star's Name)," Skeeter: "(Guest Star's Name)," Rowlf: "(Guest Star's Name)," Robin: "wow, everybody we know is here." Kermit: "Let's go inside and wait for our guest star, everybody." They all go right inside the Muppet Theater and (Guest Star's Name) is their guest star. Inside the Muppet Theater/the guest star's dressing room Scooter: On Door 5 Times "(Guest Star's Name), oh, (Guest Star's Name), 17 2nds 'til curtain, Mr. (Guest Star's Last Name)." Guest Star: "Thanks a bunch, Scooter, I'll be with you guys in a jiffy." Scooter: "You know what they say, make sure you don't get body switched with another person or critter." Cut to Kermit appearing through The Super Muppet Telethon logo....... Kermit: "It's The Super Muppet Telethon, with our very special guest star, Mr. Elijah Wood, yaaaaaay!" Show Theme Music In Background Rowlf: On Piano Keys Techno Music In Background Female Muppet friends: It's time to play the music it's time to light the lights it's time to meet the Muppets on the Super Muppet Telethon tonight Male Muppet friends: it's time to put on make-up it's time to dress up right it's time to raise the curtain on The Super Muppet Telethon tonight Waldorf: why do we always come here Statler: I guess we'll never know Waldorf: it's like some kind of torture Statler and Waldorf: to have to watch the show Continues In Background Kermit: and now let's get things started Miss Piggy: why don't you get things started Kermit and Muppet friends: it's time to get things started on the most sensational inspirational '' ''celebrational Muppet-ational this is where we do The Super Muppet Telethon....... Chattering Sounds Onstage/the introduction Kermit: "Ladies and gentlemen, good friends of all ages, welcome to The Super Muppet Telethon, our guest star tonight is the most talented young movie actor, Mr. (Guest Star's Name), but 1st, we have an opening musical number." Bean: "Hey, Kermit, just for you to know, Dr. Honeydew and Beaker have just finished building the Body Switcher 300." Kermit: "Oh thanks for telling me that, Bean." Bean: "You're welcome." Kermit: "So anyhow, here's the opening musical number." Opening musical number: All Star Scooter: Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed Fozzie: she was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape on an L on her forehead Gonzo: well the years start coming and they don't stop coming fed to the rules '' ''and they hit the ground running Rowlf: didn't make sense not to live for fun your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb Rizzo: so much t'do so much t'see so what's wrong wid takin' de backstreets Dr. Strangepork: you'll never know if you don't go Clifford: you'll never shine if you don't glow Robin: hey now you're an all star get your game on '' ''go play Walter: hey now you're a rock star get the show on '' ''get paid Rizzo: and all dat glittas is gold only shootin sta's break de moooold Gonzo: it's a cool place and they say it gets colder you're bundled up now wait 'til you get older Fozzie: but the meteor men beg to differ judging by a hole in the satelite picture Scooter: the ice we skate is getting pretty thin Bean: the water's getting warm so you might as well swim Rowlf: my world's on fire how 'bout yours? that's the way I like it and I never get bored Dr. Strangepork: hey now you're an all star get your game on go play Rowlf: hey now you're a rock star '' ''get the show on get paid Scooter: and all that glitters is gold only shooting stars break the mooooold Beaker: Mee, mee mee, mee mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee mee, mee, mee, mee mee, mee, mee, mee mee, mee mee, mee mee, mee Rowlf: hey now you're an all star get your game on go play Robin: hey now you're a rock star get the show on '' ''get paid Scooter: and all that glitters is gold only shooting stars Fozzie: somebody once asked if I could spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place Walter: I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself and we could all use a little change Rizzo: well de yea's sta't comin' and dey don't stop comin' fed t'de rules '' ''and dey hit de ground runnin' Clifford: didn't make sense '' ''not to live for fun your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb Fozzie: so much to do so much to see so what's wrong with taking the backstreets Gonzo: you'll never know '' ''if you don't go Rowlf: "Go!" Walter: you'll never shine '' ''if you don't glow Clifford: hey now you're an all star get your game on go play Scooter: hey now you're a rock star get the show on '' ''get paid Dr. Strangepork: and all that glitters is gold only shooting stars break the mold Robin: and all that glitters is gold only shooting stars break the mold Ends Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony...... Waldorf: "I could use a little bit of speed myself." Statler: "I agree with you here, Waldorf." Waldorf: "All star number 1 players!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Cut to Kermit in his office backstage...... Kermit: "Let's see what's next, (he looks right at the list.) oh, Bear on Patrol is next, Bear on Patrol is next onstage, everybody." Bear on Patrol sketch number: Breaking a grocery store window Announcer: "And now, ridding the world of evil, here comes Bear on Patrol." Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "Okay, you 2, just sit right here, perfect." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "What seems to be the trouble, Patrol Bear?" Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "These 2 pigs have been caught breaking a grocery store window." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Oh yeah, I see, tell me your names, please." Andy: "I'm Andy," Randy: "and I'm Randy," Andy: "and we never break anything at all, we're innocent pigs." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Let me check the guilty and innocent list." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob checks the innocent list and finds Andy and Randy's names written on here. Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Well, Andy and Randy, it looks like you're both innocent after all." Andy: "Oh good," Randy: "what a relief." Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Okay, Patrol Bear, you can let them go right now." Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "Yes, Officer Hogthrob sir." Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again..... Statler: "I never saw somebody break a golden teacup before in my entire life." Waldorf: "I never heard it happen as well." Statler: "They should pay the damage!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again........ Kermit: "Pigs in Space is next, Pigs in Space is next onstage, everybody." Pigs in Space sketch number: Sleep-Tronic 500 Announcer: "And now it's time for Pigs in Spaaaaace, starring Captain Link Hogthrob, 1st Mate Piggy and the wise cracking scientific genius, Dr. Strangepork, where we last left our heroes aboard the swine trek." Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "It's another day ahead of us," Link Hogthrob: "another day of Dr. Strangepork's crazy inventions." Dr. Strangepork: "Thank goodness you guys are just in time to see my new invention: the Sleep-Tronic 500." Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "What exactly does it do, Dr. Strangepork?" Dr. Strangepork: "It makes you fall asleep with the help of this green button and to wake up, I would push the red button myself." Link Hogthrob: "How fascinating." Dr. Strangepork: "Observe and watch." Dr. Strangepork pushes the green button and Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy and Link Hogthrob fall asleep. Dr. Strangepork: "And there you have it." Link Hogthrob and Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: Lightly Dr. Strangepork pushes the red button and Link Hogthrob and Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy wake up from their beauty sleep. Link Hogthrob: "Thank goodness, we were asleep for quite a long period of time." Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "Good grief." Announcer: "Will Captain Link Hogthrob and 1st Mate Piggy ever stay awake? does Dr. Strangepork know what he's getting into? find out on the next exciting episode of Pigs in Spaaaaace." Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again...... Waldorf: "You know, Statler, I once developed my sleep methods in my entire life." Statler: "Where did it happen?" Waldorf: "At the Moore-West-Rickles-Guillaume Memorial Hotel." Statler: "Then it's almost vacation time!" Stalter and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again.......... Kermit: "Veterinarian's Hosptial is next, Veterinarian's Hospital is next onstage, everybody." Veterinarian's Hospita''l Sketch Number: Walter as the patient Announcer: "And now, ''Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack whose gone to the dogs." Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "So then I said Quit complainin', you got 8 more o''f them, haven't you? it was a riot." Janice/Nurse Janice: "Oh, Dr. Bob, you're 'terrible horrible." Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "And for once, she's not speaking about your ''medical skills''." Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Now then--is there anything you'd like me to cut off?" Walter/Patient: "What...? no, no, Dr. Bob, I got terrible ''pains'' in my ''knee caps''." Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Hmm....they sound alright to me, that's a G sharp, isn't it?" Walter/Patient: "How can you possibly tell?" Janice/Nurse Janice: "Dr. Bob has ''perfect pitch'', so if your room ever needs ''re-sealing'', you know who to call." Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Tell you what--I'll give you some ''cream'' to rub on ''twice daily''." Walter/Patient: "On my knee caps?" Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "No, you can ''stand up'' if you wanna." Announcer: "Will' Nurse Piggy tell Dr. Bob that he's just given his patient a pot of 'industrial strength glue? will Nurse Janice yet learn how to play the spoons? does Dr. Bob still have the ''cereal box'' in which he found his ''medical degree''? tune in next time when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say-" Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "So, Dr. Bob, have you got any ''advice'' for this patient?" Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Yes, of course, a little ''chickory'' can make coffee taste ''much'' smoother." Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again....... Waldorf: "Walter should use more control of his proper body." Statler: "Well he should use more balance." Waldorf: "It was a ''major'' Charlie Horse!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Talk Spot: Discussing about things that they fear the most about Kermit: "So, (Guest Star's 1st Name), what do you fear the most about?" Guest Star: "Well, Kermit, the thing I fear the most about is a swarm of angry wasps." Kermit: "The thing that I fear the most about is being taken away from my good friends and true family members." Guest Star: "Those are lots of things to be terrified of." The Swedish Chef sketch number: Ice cream sandwiches Swedish Chef: "Eet's teeme tu meke ice-a creem sundveeches, yoommy guud, sooper testy." Swedish Chef: "Furst, poot fuoor buttum grehem creckers oon a peper plete." The Swedish Chef puts 4 bottom graham crackers on the paper plate. Swedish Chef: "Next, poot oone scup ooff Neepuleetun ice-a creem oon zee buttum grehem creckers." The Swedish Chef puts 1 scoop of Neapolitan ice cream on the bottom graham crackers. Swedish Chef: "Und lest boot nut leest, poot zee tup chuculete grehem creckers oon zee Neepuleetun ice-a creem perts." The Swedish Chef puts the top chocolate graham crackers on the Neapolitan ice cream parts. Swedish Chef: "Und zeere-a yuoo hefe-a it, ice-a creem sundveeches humemede." The ice cream sandwiches begin tap dancing on the entire paper plate. Swedish Chef: "Vhet zee hey?" Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again........ Statler: "I used to work with an ice cream maker back in my younger years." Waldorf: "I''' worked at a milkshake place myself." Statler: "Don't let your ice cream dream vision melt away!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again....... Kermit: "So, (Guest Star’s 1st name), how do you like being our guest star on our show this evening?" (Guest Star): "Well, you guys, things are going super good around here." Bunsen and Beaker arrive with the Body Switcher 300. Bunsen: "Oh good, you're all here, you're just in time to test out our new invention: the Body Switcher 300." Beaker’s got his right hand on the lever. Bunsen: "Go ahead, Beaker, pull down the lever." Beaker: Mee, mee! Beaker pulls down the lever. Kermit: "Hey, what’s happening?" Gonzo: "I don’t know, Kermit, but I really don't wanna find out what happens to us here." There’s a sudden mishap and the Body Switcher 300 backfires. Kermit switches bodies and voices with Bunsen, Gonzo switches bodies and voices with Beaker, Scooter switches bodies and voices with Sam, Fozzie switches bodies and voices with Rowlf, Miss Piggy switches bodies and voices with Rizzo, the Swedish Chef switches bodies and voices with Crazy Harry, Walter switches bodies and voices with Clifford, Robin switches bodies and voices with Bean, Lew Zealand switches bodies and voices with Beauregard, Dr. Teeth switches bodies and voices with Floyd, Animal switches bodies and voices with Zoot, Janice switches bodies and voices with Dr. Strangepork, and Statler and Waldorf switch bodies and voices with 1 another as well. Kermit/Bunsen: "Hey, what just happened here? (he looks right at his reflection in the theater mirror.) oh my word, I got zapped right into Dr. Honeydew's body!" Bunsen/Kermit: "Oh dear, Beaker, I don't think we got it right after all!" Beaker/Gonzo: "Mee, mo, mee!" Gonzo/Beaker: "How exactly are we gonna switch back to our original bodies and voices?!?" Statler/Waldorf: "We don’t know, Gonzo, with all of us body switched," Waldorf/Statler: "it's hard to figure out who’s who." Fozzie/Rowlf: "I'm not doing any of these dog baths!" Rowlf/Fozzie: "And I'm not doin' any of these bear walks either!” Miss Piggy/Rizzo: "Somebody's gotta fix this problem!" Rizzo/Miss Piggy: "I don't wanna be stuck dis way fo' good!" Walter/Clifford: "Now don’t worry about it, you guys, (Guest Star's 1st Name)'s gonna get the missing part of the Body Switcher 300." Clifford/Walter: "Well he better hurry up 'cause I don't wanna be stuck lookin' like this for good.” Dr. Teeth/Floyd: "Yeah right!" Floyd/Dr. Teeth: "Hurry it up, man!" Janice/Dr. Strangepork: "Please, like, get me outta this pig's body!" Dr. Strangepork/Janice: "Get me outta this young woman's body!" Animal/Zoot: "Switch back, switch back!" Zoot/Animal: "Hold your horses, Animal, hold your horses." Robin/Bean: "Oh good, here comes our guest star for the missing part of the Body Switcher 300." Bean/Robin: "I agree here." The guest star arrives with the missing part of the Body Switcher 300 and places it right in its proper place. Beaker/Gonzo pulls up the lever and the Muppet friends now have their respective bodies and voices again. Kermit: "Oh good, we're back to our respective bodies and voices again." Miss Piggy: "What a relief." Kermit: "Muppet Labs is next, Muppet Labs is next onstage, everybody." Muppet Labs sketch number: Pizza Popper 700 Ticking [Muppet Labs Theme Music In Background] Bunsen: “Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, here at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today.” (Brief Pause) Bunsen: “That’s right, we’re testing out our new invention: the Pizza Popper 700.” (Brief Pause) Bunsen: “Are you tired of waiting for a personal delivery or making all types of pizza in your kitchen oven? well, the Pizza Popper 700 is just the thing, which of course my faithful assistant, Beaker, will now demonstrate, (to Beaker) go ahead, Beaker, put a meatball green pepper pizza in here.” Beaker: Mee, mee…… Beaker puts a meatball green pepper pizza in the Pizza Popper 700. Bunsen: “Observe and watch what happens.” Beaker is drumming his fingers on the lab table. Bunsen: “And there you have it.” The Pizza Popper 700 says done, and Beaker puts on some oven mitts, takes out the meatball green pepper pizza and suddenly, his head is turned into a beaker-shaped pizza head. Beaker: And Meeping In Alarm Bunsen: “Oh my word, Beaker, what just happened to you?” Beaker: “Mee, mo, mee, mo, mee, mee!” Bunsen: “Well, that’s all the time we have, so join us next time, at Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.” Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again……. Waldorf: “So, have you ever tried microwaving a frozen pizza before?” Statler: “Well, no, but I did try heating 1 up in a toaster oven.” Waldorf: “Another day another pizza party.” Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Cut back to Kermit onstage again...... Kermit: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, good friends of all ages, here's the closing musical number for the in memoriam segments of the 1s we lost in 2016 and 2017." Closing Musical Number: When the River Meets the Sea In Background Rowlf: When the mountain David Bowie (1947-2016) touches the valley Alan Rickman (1946-2016) all the clouds Prince Rogers Nelson (1958-2016) are taught to fly Miss Piggy: as our souls Florence Henderson (1934-2016) will leave this land Carrie Fisher (1956-2016) and Debbie Reynolds (1932-2016) most peacefully Scooter: though our minds Gene Wilder (1933-2016) be filled with questions David Langston Smyrl (1935-2016) in our hearts George Martin (1926-2016) we'll understand Tom Whedon (1932-2016) when the river meets the sea Robin: like a flower Doris Roberts (1925-2016) that has blossomed Garry Marshall (1934-2016) in this dry Jack Davis (1924-2016) and barren sand Gonzo: we are born Kenny Baker (1934-2016) and born again Don Rickles (1926-2017) most gracefully Rizzo: plus de winds Mary Tyler Moore (1936-2017) of time will take us Roger Moore (1927-2017) wid a su'e Robert Guillaume (1927-2017) and lovin' hand Garry Shandling (1949-2016) when de riva Tim piggott Smith (1946-2017) meets de sea Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony once again....... Waldorf: "That sure was super touching." Statler: "The song that they just sang?" Waldorf: "No, the in memoriam clip." Statler: "Live up the memories!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again Felix: "Look," Katrina: "here comes Kermit right now." Back onstage/welcoming the guest star Kermit: "Thanks a bunch, everybody, you were all such a wonderful audience this evening, but right before we go to the Moore-Smith-Rickles-Guillaume Memorial Hotel, let's give a nice warm round of applause for Mr. (Guest Star's Name), yaaaaay!" The guest star arrives out onstage. Guest Star: "Thanks a bunch, you guys, I really enjoyed being the show with all of you here." Kermit: "You're welcome, (Guest Star's 1st Name), we appreciate it ourselves, (he turns right over to the audience.) but we'll see you next time on The Super Muppet Telethon." [The Muppet Show (1976-1981) End Credits Music In Background] Waldorf: "So, Statler, are you prepared to get outta this theater and head on down to the Rooney-Nabors-Zorich Memorial Hotel?" Statler: "I sure am, let's go." The Muppet friends exit the Muppet Theater and drive around on the Electric Mayhem bus while Statler and Waldorf are in a taxi cab driving around on their way to the Rooney-Nabors-Zorich Memorial Hotel. Inside the Rooney-Nabors-Zorich Memorial Hotel Daisy: "Good evening, how can I help you guys out here?" Kermit: "Well, Daisy, we'd like some bedrooms to stay for the entire night, please." Daisy: "Okay, bedrooms it is, I'll just have Felicia take you guys to the elevator and right up the 3rd floor." Kermit: "Okay, thanks a bunch." Felicia: "Everybody, follow me to the elevator." The Muppet friends follow Felicia to the elevator and they go right up the 3rd floor. Felicia: "Okay, here you guys are, enjoy your over-night visit." Kermit: "Thanks a bunch, Felicia." Felicia: "You're welcome." Kermit: "Okay, everybody, Piggy and I are gonna sleep in bedroom number 1, Toby and Bethany are gonna sleep in bedroom number 2, Fozzie and Rowlf are gonna sleep in bedroom number 3, Scooter and Lew Zealand are gonna sleep in bedroom number 4, Link and Denise are gonna sleep in bedroom number 5, Horace, Boris, Jasper and Sophie are gonna sleep in bedroom number 6, Robin, Andy and Randy are gonna sleep in bedroom number 7, Crazy Harry, Beauregard and Walter are gonna sleep in bedroom number 8, Gonzo, Camilla and Rizzo are gonna sleep in bedroom number 9, Bean, Flash and Skeeter are gonna sleep in bedroom number 10, Lips is gonna sleep in bedroom number 11 with Chip and the Electric Mayhem band and Statler and Waldorf are gonna sleep in bedroom number 12." Walter: "Okay, it's now settled out." Statler: "Good," Waldorf: "lets go right over to the dining room." The Muppet friends go right over to the dining room. Kermit: "Okay, you guys, it's 5:30 PM right now, so let's think about what we wanna order for dinner this evening." Scooter: "Hey, Kermit, I got an idea, how 'bout we order a pizza dinner meal from Pizza Cabin." Bean: "That's a fantastic idea, just as long as Statler, Waldorf, Piggy, Bethany, Link, Denise, Horace, Boris, Jasper, Sophie and I get 7 garden salads." Kermit: "Toby, Robin and I want a deep dish green pepper pizza, what type of pizzas do you guys want?" Rizzo: "Animal and I want pepperoni, meatballs and itallian sausage, please." Gonzo: "I want spinach and green peppers on mine." Rowlf: "I'll just have meatballs with green peppers." Walter: "So will I." Scooter: "Me too." Skeeter: "Me 3." Beauregard: "Crazy Harry, Lew Zealand and I want a deep dish ham and pineapple pizza as well." Bunsen: "Beaker and I are gonna order a side of non spicy buffalo wings and a diet root beer, how does that sound, Beaker?" Beaker: "Mee, mo, mee, mo, mee, mo, mee-mee. Kermit: "Okay, everybody, we all know what we wanna order, so you guys stay right here and I'm gonna speak to Harold, the Pizza Cabin manager on the wireless telephone." Kermit goes right over to the wireless telephone and dials the Pizza Cabin telephone number. Harold (on the Pizza Cabin telephone): "Hello? Pizza Cabin, how can I help 1 of you?" Kermit (on the wireless telephone): "I want a green pepper pizza, Statler, Waldorf, Piggy, Bethany, Link, Denise, Horace, Boris, Jasper, Sophie and Bean want 7 garden salads, Rizzo and Animal want pepperoni, meatballs and itallian sausage, Gonzo wants spinach and green peppers, Rowlf, Scooter, Skeeter and Walter want meatballs and green peppers, Beauregard, Crazy Harry and Lew Zealand want ham and pineapple and Dr. Honeydew and Beaker want a side order of non spicy buffalo wings and a diet root beer." Harold (still on the Pizza Cabin telephone): "Okay, I got you guys covered, your orders will be delivered in a couple of minutes." Kermit (still on the wireless telephone): "Okay, thanks a bunch, goodbye." Kermit hangs up the wireless telephone. Kermit: "Well, you guys, our orders are gonna be delivered in a couple of minutes, so let's play a game of bingo right before they arrive." Kermit, Walter and the Muppet friends sit right down and play their bingo game. Kermit: "Okay, Fozzie's gonna call out the numbers." Fozzie: "B, 46." Kermit scans right through the B section while the other Muppet friends are doing the exact same thing and they find the exact same thing on their bingo cards. Fozzie: "I, 23." Kermit scans right through the I section while the other Muppet friends are doing the exact same thing and they find the exact same thing on their bingo cards. Fozzie: "N, 37." Kermit scans right through the N section while the other Muppet friends are doing the exact same thing and they find the exact same thing on their bingo cards. Fozzie: "G, 64." Kermit scans right through the G section while the other Muppet friends are doing the exact same thing and they find the exact same thing on their bingo cards. Fozzie: "O, 28." Kermit scans right through the O section while the other Muppet friends are doing the exact same thing and they find the exact same thing on their bingo cards. Fozzie: "B, 78." The Muppet friends do the exact same thing and find 78 right under the B section. Fozzie: "I, 39." The Muppet friends do the exact same thing and find 39 right under the I section. Fozzie: "N, 47." The Muppet friends do the exact same thing and find 47 right under the N section. Fozzie: "G, 25." The Muppet friends do the exact same thing and find 25 right under the G section. Fozzie: "O, 75." The Muppet friends do the exact same thing and find 75 right under the O section. Fozzie: "Okay, now what do 1 of you need to say?" Gonzo: "Bingo!" Kermit: "Alright, we won the bingo game." On Door Floyd: "I'll get it." Floyd walks right over to the door and opens it to see the pizza delivery man standing right out there. Pizza Delivery Man: "Hey, you guys, here are your dinner meal orders." The pizza delivery man gives them their dinner meal orders. Kermit: "Oh wow, thanks a bunch, kind sir." Pizza Delivery Man: "You're welcome, have a super good evening." Scooter: "Okay, you too." The pizza delivery man walks right out to go back outside. The Muppet friends sit right at the dining room table. Kermit: "Okay, everybody, let's dig in, right after our dinner and dessert meals, we can watch a DVD movie on television right before bedtime." The Muppet friends begin enjoying their dinner meals and later desser meals peacefully. Meanwhile in the hotel's living room........ The Muppet friends are watching a DVD of Muppets from Space (1999) Fozzie: "Wow, I sure was invisible, except my hands were completely visible." Gonzo: "That talking sandwich sure was hilarious when it began speaking to me." Kermit: "Okay, now let's get our beauty sleep." The Muppet friends go right in their separate hotel bedrooms and get their beauty sleep. The very next morning, the Muppet friends are having their breakfast meals. Announcer: "We interrupt this program to bring you this fast breaking news report." Newsman: "This just in, a terrible thing happened: Constantine and Miss Poogy are now assisting Doc Hopper and Snake Walker to promote their franchise for Doc Hopper's Barbecued Rabbit Ears." Kermit: "Good grief, at least they didn't mention that frog legs thing again." Newsman: "Those villains must be stopped at once. Kermit: "Come on, everybody, let's go out there and confront Constantine and Miss Poogy in their tracks!" Miss Piggy: "Toby and Bethany, you stay here with your cousins and your godparents while we're gone out." Toby: "Okay, Mom and Dad," Bethany: "you can count on us. The 7 Muppet friends head on out to confront Constantine and Miss Poogy in their tracks. The back alley Constantine: "Well look who it is," Miss Poogy: "just the rabbit we were looking for," Constantine: "now give him here." Kermit: "Not so fast, you nasty creeps!" Bean: "We got you right where we want you!" Miss Poogy: "Come on, Constantine, let's grab him." Bean tries to make a run for it, but Constantine and Miss Poogy capture him and put him in a cage. Bean: "Let me outta here, let me outta here!" Miss Piggy: "That does it," Kermit: "we're getting our rabbit friend back no matter where we go!" Gonzo: "Follow me, everybody." The 7 Muppet friends walk around on their way to rescue Bean from Constantine's evil mansion. Super Spy Brian: "How can I help all of you out here?" Kermit: "We're on our way to rescue Bean from imprisionment, do you know where Constantine's evil mansion is?" Super Spy Brian: "Well, you guys, if you wanna rescue your rabbit friend, you're gonna need super spy agent equipment." The 7 Muppet friends get right into their super spy agent outfits and go right to Constantine's evil mansion. Kermit: "Okay, you guys, it's time for the window sneak." Swedish Chef: "Ookey dookey." The 7 Muppet friends go right through the window and right into Constantine's evil mansion. Inside Constantine's evil mansion Fozzie: "Okay, here we are." Kermit: "Now folow me, I'm gonna lead all of you to where Bean's located." The 7 Muppet friends walk around on their way to where Bean's kidnapped. Walter: "Hey, Bean, we're here to get you outta here." Bean: "Oh good, you guys are here to rescue me, this cage is driving me extremely crazy." Doc Hopper (off screen): "Well if it isn't Kermit and his pathetic little friends." Kermit: "Doc Hopper?!? how did you get here?!?" Doc Hopper: "When I captured this young rabbit, I decided that I wanted him for my surprise." Bean: "Say what?" Doc Hopper: "Constantine, turn on the television screen." Constantine turns on the television screen and a television commercial for Doc Hopper's Barbecued Rabbit Ears comes right on it. Miss Piggy: "What the-" Rizzo: "I don't believe dis." Television Doc Hopper: Hi there, I'm Doc Hopper, here to invite you to hop on down and get some barbequed rabbit ears, right here, at the sign of the big rabbit ears." Bean: "Oh dear." Television Doc Hopper: "Hurry, everybody, hurry." Television Doc Hopper: Rabbit ears, rabbit ears, rabbit ears so fine, Hopper's is the place you should dine, there's cheese ears, bacon ears, chili ears too, home cooked rabbit ears barbecued Bean: "Oh my word." Television Doc Hopper (continued): if you want just a llight snack Fozzie: "Don't worry about it, Bean, we're gonna get you outta here." Television Doc Hopper: Then here is the 1 you'll want: a rabbit ear sandwich on a hot dog roll. Bean: "That does it, I can't stand this any longer!" Doc Hopper: "Well, Bean Bunny, 1 more chance: you can either do our television commercials alive or deceased." Constantine: "Is this gonna get super hard?" Miss Poogy: "Or is this gonna get super crazy?" Snake Walker: "Crazy indeed." Kermit: "Okay, Fozzie, Gonzo, Tim, tie the ropes around them!" Fozzie: "Yes, kind sir." Fozzie, Gonzo and the Swedish Chef tie the ropes around Doc Hopper, Snake Walker, Constantine and Miss Poogy. Kermit: "Piggy, do your martial arts karate kick!" Miss Piggy: (karate kicking Doc Hopper, Snake Walker, Constantine and Miss Poogy) "Hii-yaaaah!" The 4 villains are now karate kicked. Animal: (beating up the 4 villains with his drum sticks) "Bad men, bad frog, bad pig!" The 4 villains are knocked out. Walter: "Okay, everybody, now that they're knocked out, let's get Bean outta that cage." Gonzo opens the cage with the cage key and Bean's finally outta there. Bean: "Wow, thanks a bunch, you guys, being in that cage was making me bored stiff." Kermit: "Our pleasure, Bean, now let's get outta here and take them to the police department." The 8 Muppet friends take the 4 knocked out villains and walk around on their way to the Luckey-Stiers Memorial Police Department. The Luckey-Stiers Memorial Police Department Officer Jones: "How can we help you guys out here?" Kermit: "We're here to arrest Doc Hopper, Snake Walker, Constantine and Miss Poogy." Officer Albertson: "Okay, let's take them to the jail tower." Officer Jones and Officer Albertson arrest the 4 villains and drive around with them in their police car on their way to the jail tower. Doc Hopper: "We would've got away with it too," Constantine: "if those meddeling Muppet friends haven't been involved!" Kermit: "Alright, we got them arrested, yaaaaaaay!" Fozzie: "Now let's go back to the hotel." Back at the Rooney-Nabors-Zorich Memorial Hotel Janice: "So, Toby, Bethany, what did you like, think about this story about The 3 Little Pigs and the Big Good Wolf?" Toby: "It was super thrilling, Janice," Bethany: "that wolf wasn't so terrifying at all." Kermit: "Toby, Bethany, we're back from our rescue mission quest," Fozzie: "and we got something for lunch from Taco Box." The Muppet friends sit right down at the dining room table and enjoy their vegetarian and non vegetarian taco lunch meals. Fozzie: "Hey, Kermit, next summer vacation, let's go to Disney World just like everybody in our universe." Kermit: "Oh yeah, Fozzie, that'll be a super good idea." Scooter: "Right after lunch, we're gonna do a super special performance right outside the Fisher-Reynolds Memorial Public Library." Meanwhile right after their lunch meals......... Fisher-Reynolds Memorial Public LIbrary Kermit: On Banjo Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side Miss Piggy: rainbows are visions but only illusions and rainbows have nothing to hide Robin: so we've been told and some chose to '' ''believe it I know '' ''they're wrong wait and see Walter: someday we'll find it the rainbow connection the lovers the dreamers and me Kermit: Playing On Banjo Fozzie: who said '' ''that every wish would be heard and answered when wished on '' ''the morning star Gonzo: somebody thought of that and someone believed it look what it's done so far Rizzo: what's so amazin' dat keeps us sta' gazin' look what '' ''it's done so fa' Swedish Chef: vhet's su emezeeng '' ''zet '' ''keeps oos '' ''ster gezeeng '' ''und vhet du yoo '' ''zeenk '' ''ve meeght see Bunsen: someday we'll find it the rainbow connection Beaker: mee, mo-mee '' ''mee, mo-mee '' ''mo, mee Clifford: all of us under its spell we know '' ''that it's '' ''probably magic Johnny: have you been half asleep and have you '' ''heard voices Sal: I heard them calling my name Scooter: is this the sweet sound that calls '' ''the young sailors the voice might be 1 and the same Rowlf: I heard it too many times to ignore it it's something '' ''that I'm supposed to be Pepe: someday we'll find it the rainbow connection the lovers the dreamers and me Kermit: la, dee, da, dee, da, dum, doo, la, dee, da, dum, dee, da, doo. Beauregard: "Music to my ears." Kermit: "Okay, everybody, now that our worse enemies have been arrested, let's have a fun thrilled dance off party." Scoooter: "Good thinking, let's help 1 another out." Back at the Rooney-Nabors-Zorich Memorial Hotel Rowlf: On Piano Keys Gonzo: What would you think if I sang outta tune would you stand up and walk out on me Fozzie: lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song Kermit: and I'll try not to sing outta key Robin: oh I get by with a little help from my friends yes I get high with a little help from my friends yeah I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends Rowlf: Playing On Piano Keys Bunsen: what do I do when my love is away Beaker: mee, mee, mee-mee, mee, mee, mee, mee-mee Scooter: how do I feel '' ''by the end '' ''of the day Rowlf: are you sad because '' ''you're on your own Lew Zealand: no I get by with a little help from my friends yeah I get high with a little help from my friends yes I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends Dr. Teeth: do you need anybody Scooter: I need somebody '' ''to love Janice: could it be anybody Uncle Deadly: I want somebody to love Kermit: would you believe '' ''in a love at 1st sight Rizzo: yes I'm ce'tain dat it happens all de time Walter: what do you see when you '' ''turn out the light Bean: I can't tell you but I know it's mine Sweetums: oh I get by with a little help from my friends yeah I get high with a little help '' ''from my friends yes I'm gonna try '' ''with a little help from my friends Lips: do you need anybody Gonzo: I just need '' ''someone to love Rizzo: could it be anybody Fozzie: I want somebody to love Scooter: oh I get by with a little help '' ''from my friends yeah I get high '' ''with a little help '' ''from my friends yes I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends with a little help '' ''from my friends. Category:Transcripts Category:Movie scripts Category:2019